WE've got the power!!! We've got the power!!!« Thread Started on Nov 15, 2005, 12:19am »
retrieved on 10 Nov 2005 08:32:30 GMT.
The Minority Interracial CouplesReginald Lewis and Loida Nicolas walked down the aisle in the Philippines almost 30 years ago. Her niece, Lourdes Gardos, held her train. "The values of our family did not have us differentiate or classify people according to the color of their skin but only on the content of their character," recalled Loida Lewis. Dating someone of a different race who isn't white can be difficult.
Cindy, a Japanese American woman, was always considered a rebel of sorts within her family, but four years ago, when she began dating an African American man, she committed her biggest act of defiance. When the administrative assistant at a health care provider in Southern California told her parents, their reaction was far from approving. "You know if you have children and get divorced, it's not going to be easy to get re-married again," her mother warned, implying that no man would marry a woman with half-black children. From her father came more disapproval. "Our relatives aren't going to like that. There's going to be talk in the family," her father cautioned. Cindy, 29, was shocked and offended--after all, both her parents are from Hawaii, where many residents are of mixed race. What angered her most were the racist sentiments underlying their warnings.Like many Asian American parents, her parents would have preferred that she find an Asian man, or even a white one. But Cindy's decision to date an African American has forced her, like many others in her situation, to confront startling and intense levels of racism within their own families.In Asian American Intermarriage, due out next year through Beacon Press, co-authors Larry Hajime Shinagawa and Gin Yong Pang found that a substantial number of Asian Americans are in interracial or interethnic relationships. However, in only a small fraction of those relationships one partner is African American or Latino.Through interviews conducted with over 100 individuals in California and through 1990 US Census Bureau statistics, Shinagawa and Pang found that of the half of the Asian Americans in California that marry non-Asians, roughly a third of those individuals are in interracial marriages.Of the 120 interracial or interethnic individuals Pang interviewed for the work, half of the individuals were dating, while the other half were married. Of the 60 married couples, 30 individuals were married to whites, 15 were in interethnic (Asian/Asian) relationships, and 15 individuals were married to Latinos, African Americans, or mixed race individuals. The breakdown was relatively even for the 60 individuals who were in interracial dating relationships. Of the 60 couples Pang interviewed, 20 individuals were involved with whites, 20 individuals were in interethnic relationships, and 20 were involved with Hispanics, African Americans or mixed race individuals. Shinagawa and Pang found that certain marriages, specifically to African Americans and Latinos, often caused the greatest conflict between Asian Americans and their families. The source of that conflict, explained Pang, stems from numerous factors including racism, pressure from Asian American families to marry someone of the same ethnicity or race, and a belief that marrying into the white majority will lead to greater acceptance of the individual by society at large.Shinagawa said that all couples, even younger ones like Fabio Andina and Jannah Sims, who met at San Francisco State University and have been happily dating for two months, typically experience some form of resistance from family members."With African Americans and Latinos ... there is always opposition," from the family, said Shinagawa, a professor at Sonoma State University. In some cases, Asian American parents might think, "What do you gain by marrying another minority, especially when you're the higher minority?" Shinagawa said.Pang, a lecturer at San Francisco State University, asserts that the acceptance of an individual's significant other is inherently tied to a hierarchy of color, consciously or unconsciously observed."If there is a color hierarchy among the races, it seems to get darker at the bottom," Pang said. "Some people I have interviewed said, 'My parents don't want me to marry out but if I do, that person better be white ... rather than Hispanic or black.'
In cultures, Asian or white, there is the negative association with the color black. ... If it's dark it's not as attractive," Pang said, adding that some cultures draw a correlation between skin color and social status. "Traditionally in Asian cultures, the darker your skin is, the lower your class standing," Pang said, adding that Asian Americans with darker skin tones are subject to similar scrutiny. This correlation between skin color and social status, Pang argues, often means that African American partners must possess exceptional credentials--whether it be economically, professionally, or academically--to merely be acknowledged by some Asian American families. "If he's black, he'll have to have something exceptional to make up for being black," Pang said. In Cindy's case, her boyfriend's economic standing did little to sway her parents opinion. Although her boyfriend is a highly paid professional with a house near the beach, and a master's degree, he was not showered with the same attention and acceptance granted to her sister's white husband of similar economic standing and academic accomplishment. "My parents were very skeptical of my boyfriend, as opposed to my brother-in-law, who they accepted right off the bat," Cindy said. Pang and Shinagawa speculate that whites are more readily accepted by Asian Americans because they are perceived as having more power and a higher social status in American society. The assumption is that marrying a white individual leads to greater acceptance by American society. "A white person will be much better tolerated and accepted into the circle, because a white spouse symbolizes American society. There is the notion about whites being real Americans," Pang said. "That kind of respect is given to white spouses, but when it comes to blacks or Hispanics forget it-they're not real Americans. They're not given that equal footing or standing unfortunately because of that racism we've internalized."Much of the parental concern regarding interracial marriages to African Americans or Latinos, according to Pang, also stems from concern that their child and future grandchildren might experience racism as a result of the relationship. "Some parents have told their children that they're going to have a hard time and a hard life," said Pang. "And that's usually followed by the children, that they're going to suffer in some way. They usually point out that it's not that there's something wrong with black people, but society still has a lot of prejudice against them." Despite this fear, some couples say they haven't encountered widespread, blatant racism from society.Linda Forrest, a Chinese American, met her husband Thomas, an African American, at a singles bar in New Jersey while she was a teacher and he was a public utility employee. The couple has been married for 23 years and lives in Fairfax, Va. She views her marriage as unique. Her immigrant parents and her husband's Southern parents accepted the relationship, and society appeared to adjust as well. Although she did notice how she and her spouse attracted stares early on in their relationship, she says that as of late, they draw little attention. "There have been people in later years since we've been married where I could see the surprise in their face, but that doesn't happen too often. ... If we were in Kansas, I'm sure it would be very different," said Forrest. "I think whites see [us] as two minorities, so who cares. And blacks don't have much of a problem with me because I'm not white."The Forrests admit that the acceptance they received by both families was surprising. However, Linda Forrest says her family would have expressed grave disapproval had she married a Japanese American. "My parents would have objected more if I married a Japanese American than an African American," she said. "My mother lived through the war and suffered the atrocities of the Japanese." Thomas Forrest anticipated disapproval from Linda's parents, not so much because he is African American, but because he isn't of Asian descent. "I wasn't very optimistic," about her parent's reaction, he said. "I was a little bit skeptical." The Forrests were not the only interracial couple to gain such a warm reception from family and friends.
Author Janice Mirikitani and Rev. Cecil Williams of Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco have been married 16 years. When Loida and Reginald Lewis, who died in 1993, married 29 years ago, they found both their families to be equally enthusiastic. Loida Lewis, who assumed the reigns of TLC Beatrice International Holdings, Inc., as CEO and chairman after the her husband's death, attributes her family's immediate acceptance of the marriage to their adamant belief that individuals should not be judged by their skin color. "The values of our family did not have us differentiate or classify people according to the color of their skin but only on the content of their character. ... My mother had met Mr. Lewis in New York and [immediately] understood why her headstrong daughter fell in love with him. She understood and accepted," said Lewis.While some of her husband's friends and relatives were initially surprised that he was marrying a woman from the Philippines, their skepticism faded once they met her. As Lewis explains, no one doubted that their marriage was based on anything but love and mutual respect."I knew in my heart that I would not meet a man like him again, and I guess the same was true for him. So it was clear to anyone who knew us that we loved and chose each other for life," Lewis added. When Janice Mirikitani, a Bay Area author and poet, and the Rev. Cecil Williams of Glide Memorial Church in San Francisco were married 16 years ago, they experienced more of the typical family resistance many interracial couples encounter. "I think barriers go up [within a family and society] because of stereotypes and because of cultural ignorance and attitudes," Mirikitani said. "My parents weren't at first very accepting, and because my family is fairly traditional Japanese American, they had a hard time at first." Mirikitani's marriage to Williams was her second. She was married once before to a Caucasian man. As Mirikitani explains, her family's initial objection to both marriages was a result of her not marrying a Japanese American. Mirikitani's mother, like other Asian Americans who come to accept an interracial marriage, changed her opinion of the marriage once she came to know Williams. "My mother is a loving and sweet woman and she came to see that Cecil is that kind of person also. Now she says to me that you're so lucky to be married to such a good man," Mirikitani said.Although Mirikitani and Williams have not witnessed overt racism, they have experienced instances where people refuse to acknowledge their union. "It's very strange how people stereotype the marriage," Mirikitani said. "By white people I'll be asked if I'm the chauffeur, because it's inconceivable to them that I could be the wife. I've been asked if I'm the caterer, the maid, the florist." Yuko Hata, a young jazz musician, is in a six-year relationship that she and her African American boyfriend, Anthony Wonsley, believe will lead to marriage. Hata also witnessed stereotyping, but more so regarding the viability and seriousness of her relationship. "There always will be the initial stereotyping [of the relationship]," Hata said. "Look at me or him betraying each other's races ... it's 'Jungle Fever,' or it's an Asian fetish. ... Blacks were saying that this is nothing but curiosity, or if he wasn't as good in jazz I wouldn't go out with him, and since he is the first [African American I've dated] that can't be real." As a couple in their late 20s, Hata and her boyfriend have been forced to revisit and confront the larger issues of cultural identity within the context of their relationship. For Hata, a second generation Japanese American, the relationship has caused her to re-evaluate the Asian American identity she earnestly tried to deny while growing up in mostly white Boulder, Colo."In some ways, I guess my relationship did make me more political because I was just becoming more exposed firsthand to situations that I may not have come across," said Hata, who now lives in Boston. "It's definitely been the core of a lot of self-evaluation.""What's interesting is that growing up in an all white neighborhood, race wasn't an issue. ... But for African Americans, for them, race is an issue every day," Hata added. "I went through so many stages of trying to see what life is like through the eyes of someone who is African American ... what it's like to be a person of color." Meanwhile, Wonsley was confronting the pressures he faced as a black man dating someone outside of his race. "He really had to come to terms with himself, because there's a lot of pressure he was feeling from being a black man," said Hata. "He had to know for himself that he wasn't dissing his own kind." As they confront the sometimes painful assumptions and stereotypes placed on the relationship by society and family, many interracial couples focus on their commonality. Williams and Mirikitani, for instance, know they share a common bond--that of racial oppression."Both of us had histories of severe pain," Williams said. "My folks coming from slavery and her folks coming from the concentration camps. We understand what it is to be hurt and humiliated and rejected and to be told that you're no good or nobody." Mirikitani agreed and underscored the similarities of the Asian American and African American cultures. "That kind of oppression against our racial groupings helped us to identify a great deal more," Mirikitani said. "And there are all the various cultural things such as oral tradition, storytelling, the importance of family and extended family, and food."There are lots of connections."
